| The Monkey Story | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: The Monkey Story Mon Jul 28, 2008 5:55 am | |
| I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for 5c each. I thought that was odd since they were normally a couple thousand dollars each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
I bought 200.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home.
I have a big car.
I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund.
He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals.
I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals.
I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my apartment.
They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.
They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died.
No apparent reason.
They all just sort of dropped dead.
Kinda odd, like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my apartment. On the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.
It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet.
It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals.
That worked for a while.
That is until they began to decompose.
Then it started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber.
I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.
I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them.
Little did I know my bed was flammable.
I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.
The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys or use the bathroom.
I severely beat one of my monkeys.
I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates.
I told him that I had a wet one.
He couldn't take that one either.
I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution.
I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't know quite what to say.
They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys. | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:50 pm | |
| heheheh i like monkeys !!! | |
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limegreenorange Expert
Posts : 155 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : Northland / New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Jul 29, 2008 12:23 am | |
| wow bone thats only becoz u are a monkey | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:23 am | |
| lmao i like the monkey story.... | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Jul 29, 2008 5:01 am | |
| hehehe you called me bone !!!! shame in your face old lady | |
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limegreenorange Expert
Posts : 155 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : Northland / New Zealand
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:59 am | |
| lol.... we are friends lime ... just......... on hold while you think of your priorities | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:13 am | |
| Hmm you know since i was tortured with the lime i feel compelled to point out that it should not be used in that sense....... kinda dodgy really..... | |
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Midnight Sun Global Moderator
Posts : 325 Join date : 2008-07-10 Age : 29 Location : Caribbean, baby!
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:16 am | |
| lmao lmao lmao I <3 monkeys | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:30 am | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:31 am | |
| hahaha randoms ... umm eww .. hehehehe | |
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Midnight Sun Global Moderator
Posts : 325 Join date : 2008-07-10 Age : 29 Location : Caribbean, baby!
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:16 pm | |
| <3 monkeeeeeeeeeeeeys i even have a little monkey and a punk duckie in my yahoo avatar xD | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:30 am | |
| haha trust you to take that in a sick way bone....... | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:51 am | |
| i was meaning your post about the bounce thingy you noodle | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:16 am | |
| ohhh haha yea that is kinda eww alrite | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Wed Aug 06, 2008 1:37 am | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Aug 12, 2008 3:44 am | |
| who would do that to monkeys?????? | |
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Midnight Sun Global Moderator
Posts : 325 Join date : 2008-07-10 Age : 29 Location : Caribbean, baby!
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:29 pm | |
| :rofl: i have nooo ide-ah | |
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limegreenorange Expert
Posts : 155 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : Northland / New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:26 am | |
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Midnight Sun Global Moderator
Posts : 325 Join date : 2008-07-10 Age : 29 Location : Caribbean, baby!
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Aug 19, 2008 5:44 pm | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:06 am | |
| i bet amy would buy monkeys and them try burn them hehehe just kidding | |
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Emma Admin
Posts : 163 Join date : 2008-07-04 Age : 31 Location : South-Africa, Pretoria
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:44 pm | |
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limegreenorange Expert
Posts : 155 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : Northland / New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:49 am | |
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Randoms Chatbox Mod
Posts : 397 Join date : 2008-07-07 Age : 33 Location : a cave in nz
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:59 am | |
| yea poor amy!!!!!!!!!!! lmao
just coz i thought that dead cat with the sign pointing to it saying "free cat" was damn hilarious....... | |
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Trees of Bone Moderator
Posts : 233 Join date : 2008-07-21 Age : 33 Location : New Zealand
| Subject: Re: The Monkey Story Sun Aug 31, 2008 6:20 am | |
| see what i have to put up with ??? damn animal haters | |
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